Complementarian Women of Intellect

I recently found the need to add the following to my comments policy on the Spam and Dead Parrots page:

It’s a girl space. A really smart, intellectual girl space. And, Mr. Smarty-Britches, you’re going to have to take that into consideration when you leave your Amazing Epic Stream of Logic for the world to admire (you hope). Me and my friends have no interest in a bunch of rowdy boys crashing through the door to hold a willy-waving contest. I mean, ew. So don’t be dorky.

That’s right. I pulled the girl card. Weak? Manipulative? A cop-out?

Or an acknowledgement of my basic human right to do things differently according to observable gender-based differences in communication style?

Feminism. Equalism. Complementarianism.

I was raised to be unafraid of activism and lobbying, of standing up against injustice. I was specifically taught how to evaluate image in advertising, cultural stereotypes, assumptions and subtext, and of course women’s rights issues. Believe me, I retain those skills and exercise them regularly. Just not in the precise direction I used to.

I will not waste words defending my right to be different than my husband, to choose to be subject to him, et cetera ad nauseum. There’s a phrase in the Bible’s rather detailed sex-and-marriage manual, the Song of Solomon: “His banner over me is love.”

He won that role by sacrificing his life and interests for me, day after day, for the last 13 years, and proving repeatedly that he has no intention of changing. Let’s not minimize that with outdated and inapplicable gender cliches drawn from Victorian stereotypes.

Be a Man, or Be a Non-Thinker

Culturally, women are presented with only two apparent options: Take the world’s way, and cross into the “world of men” (a stereotype entirely still in force in spite of politically correct language) while trying to degenderize ourselves, or check your brain at the kitchen sink. And that’s not the Christian way, it’s the secular world’s, absorbed not a little too much by our Christian culture, I must say.

“Hey, Dave, what do you do if you find your wife in the living room? Chase her back in the kitchen and shorten the chain. Haw haw.”

The guys in my circle tend to facepalm when I tell those jokes.

In any case, having examined and questioned complementarianism coming in from the secular feminist viewpoint, and having both read and debated online (against men, ironically) on the inverted hermeneutics of egalitarianism, I don’t believe either brainlessness or infringement on men’s God-given roles is a requirement.

The Stigma of Critical Thinking

Where does that leave women trained in critical thinking? The ones who, as one lady once cast me, “think like a man”?

(That statement, by the way, caused me to blink and pause, and finally just reply, “Well, in my background, there aren’t many women who don’t think that way [analytically].”)

Okay, coolnerd geekgang: I have to say, if there are women ditching conservative theology over churchian cultural prejudices (and experience tells me there are), then this flaw in feminine upbringing might have something to do with it. I sure can’t defend the dilution of Scripture as a well-reasoned response, but I can understand leaving the herd.

Where the Smart Girls Hang Out

Fortunately, homeschooling/unschooling circles form a refreshing exception to the inaccurate “dumb fundie blonde” stereotype, and they’re transforming the culture of Christian women. The answer to the secular intellectual message of “I am a man and you can too!” is not “I am a woman and I will not.”

Paul said quite clearly (1 Cor.  11:7) that woman is the glory of humanity. He said it while defining the picture we can make of God’s relationship to humanity, if we’re willing to be living symbols.

Yes. I am.

Here is one response to the question of women thinkers that’s very adaptable to those wishing to live as complementarians. JoJo Tabares specializes in communication skills and critical thinking for homeschoolers.

Smart women. Doing what they’re convinced of and believe in. Acting as leaders–without needing to compromise on complementary roles.

Same Strength, Different Emphases

If you read women’s fiction, then compare it with fiction that men will actually read, you’ll see the following difference:

Women’s fiction: A series of interpersonal obstacles to overcome, set within a framework of physical, spiritual and psychological conflicts.

Men’s fiction: A series of actions to be completed (one of which may be the wooing of a woman) set within a framework of interpersonal, spiritual and psychological conflicts.

Who Wants to be an Action Hero?

Some of us girls like tackling action-type obstacles. Some of us rock at it. Some of us are extremely dissatisfied with that–not that it’s outside our scope, but that it’s not enough.

Raising hand. All that cool science stuff and fancy literary technique, building landscapes and sailing boats, and all the fascinating things in the world? Means nothing without people at the centre of purpose.

Who Wants to Share Deeply?

For men, the touchy-feely interpersonal thing is not at all outside their scope, or there wouldn’t be so many happily married Christian women. In fact, born-again Christian men are the best at having real hearts and still being manly.

But likewise, it’s not enough. Dave is an excellent example. Please look in the Canadian Men’s Atlas of Modern Backwoods History under the entries chemical engineering, chemical burn, truck modifications, calf wrestling, calf butchering, ATV racing, concussion, bicycle stunts, and broken neck.

All those people with all their interests and information and things? What are they there for if not to do stuff with it?

Same Mad Skillz, Different Focus

Men need to be given that freedom as much as we women do ours. Human strength is universal, but each gender uses it differently.

Consider this: All symbolism aside, a man’s God-given design is to bring right action to people. A woman’s is to bring people to right action.

Where’s the inequality in that?